


You Know I'm Not That Strong

by Brennan4



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Canon Compliant, Davekat Week, Earth C (Homestuck), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infidelity, M/M, Poor Life Choices, Sadstuck, Suicidal Thoughts, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennan4/pseuds/Brennan4
Summary: Commander Vantas is trying to overthrow a repressive regime but his married friend is distracting him by being a huge mess.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 27





	You Know I'm Not That Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Davekat Week 2020 Day 3: New World

“Dave, I would really like to continue planning his uprising against a brutal military regime right now and you’re being very distracting.”

Dave just giggles in response. Karkat has spent enough time seeing humans consume unhealthy amounts of the soporific substance known as “alcohol” to tell that Dave is at least a little drunk right now.

“C’mon, you can’t run a revolutionary militia without taking a break every now and then, it’s unhealthy. You can let loose a little bit.”

Karkat puts down his pen, closes his binder and turns off his husktop. 

“Fine, Dave. I am officially 'taking a break.’ Oh wow, I’m so invigorated with a wave of relaxation and leisure. You have successfully prevented me from driving myself insane from stress and exhaustion.” Karkat gets out of his chair and throws up his arms. “Wow, this is so wonderful. Now all I have to worry about is being driven insane by an intoxicated human dipshit who won’t leave me alone when I’m working.”

Dave grabs both of Karkat’s palms and gently brings his arms lower. He then pulls Karkat closer so their faces are only inches apart.

“What’re you gonna do about it?”

Karkat hates the tingle running through his body he gets every time he has physical contact with Dave. Which has been happening a lot lately. Dave keeps taking every opportunity to put his hands on Karkat and the fact that it always feels so good makes Karkat feel terrible at the same time.

“Dave, you should stop touching me.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Dave isn’t smiling, but Karkat can’t tell if he's annoyed or disappointed.

“No,” says Karkat carefully, “but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Good ideas aren't my thing.” says Dave, but he does let go of Karkat. Dave takes off his sunglasses and puts them in the pocket of his combat fatigues. He looks directly at Karkat and Karkat hates what it does to him. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Dave’s eyes. It’s a rare sight and it never fails to drive up Karkat’s pulse. 

“C’mon Karkat, loosen up a little bit, you won’t hurt anyone.” Karkat is too busy trying not to stare deep into Dave’s eyes that he barely notices Dave’s hand move to his left hip. Dave pulls him in and Karkat lets him.

“I think we could both use a break. Let off some fucking steam.”

Karkat wants to kiss Dave more than anything in the world. But instead he says, “What the fuck are you doing here, Dave?”

Dave leans in and whispers into Karkat’s ear. “Whatever you want.”

Karkat feels all the tension leave his body as Dave breathes along the base of his neck. He’s missed this. Hell, this is _better_ than what he’s missed. Of course Dave would only get up the guts to touch Karkat this way after he married something else. 

“You want this, right?” asks Dave, his voice heavy.

“Yes...” says Karkat. For once in his life he’s barely able to speak. “... but that’s the problem.”

Dave smiles like a dumbass. He wraps his arms around Karkat’s neck and presses their foreheads together. Karkat can see right into Dave’s eyes and it's making it really, really hard to think straight.

“It doesn’t have to be a problem,” says Dave, his lips almost brushing Karkat’s. Dave shifts his weight and pulls Karkat down so they’re both on the hard ground of the cave. Karkat is directly on top of Dave, their chests pressed together. Karkat pushes out his arms and lifts his body, so he’s now looming over Dave. Dave has a stupid smile on plastered on his face, and pink color floods his cheeks. 

As Karkat looks down at Dave, and realizes how happy he is to be in this position, a wave of fury fills his body.

“Dave,” he says, anger creeping into his voice. “What the fuck we doing here?”

Dave grins. “Anything you want, man,” he answers, dragging out the word “anything”. He either hasn't noticed the rage filling Karkat or he’s enjoying it. 

Karkat’s eye is full of disapproval. Through gritted teeth, he says, “Are you trying to have an _affair_ with me?”

Dave is silent for a moment. There’s no way he missed the absolute disgust in Karkat’s voice. Then his smile disintegrates. Tears fill his eyes. His lip quivers pathetically. “Y-yes…”

Karkat leans his face closer to Dave’s. “Fuck you, Strider.”

As Karkat rises off the ground Dave lays back and starts openly weeping.

“This is extremely fucking pathetic, Dave,” says Karkat as he turns away.

“Y-yeah, I know. Fuck, man.”

“You get why this is such a dick move, right?” asks Karkat. He can’t bring himself to look Dave in the eyes. “To me, and to Jade.”

“Uh-huh.” says Dave between sobs.

“Like, I don’t understand or care that much about human marriage rituals, and honestly Jade probably doesn’t either. But _you_ do. So breaking that vow would be a pretty big fucking insult to both of us.”

“I fucking know! Jesus!” Dave gets up on his elbows for a few seconds, then leans back onto the ground again and keeps crying. Karkat’s never seen Dave cry like this, not even at his loneliest on the meteor, or when he had nightmares, or even after Dirk died. 

Karkat sits down at his desk and turns his chair to face Dave. He does his best to suppress the pity he feels seeing Dave so miserable. 

“Then why do this? What the fuck were you trying to accomplish here? Did you want Jade and I to feel as shitty as you do?

Dave stares at the ceiling as he says, “Maybe. Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

‘You need to fucking pull yourself together, Strider.”

“I know…”

“Seriously, Dave.” Karkat’s tone shifts to something a little more gentle. “I still care about you. I want you to be happy.”

“I’m fucking trying! But nothing fucking works.” Dave rolls on his side, looking away from Karkat. “I just want to stop feeling this way. I just want it to stop. I’ll do anything. ” 

Karkat walks over to Dave and gently grabs his arm, lifting him to his feet. Dave still can’t look at him. He raises his other arm to his face and sobs into his elbow. After a moment he catches his breath.

“I just want things to make sense again. And when I was with you things made sense.”

Karkat can’t keep himself from tenderly rubbing Dave’s shoulder. “Nothing about you ever made any fucking sense, Strider.”

Dave almost laughs. Almost. It’s more of a choked exhale, but there’s a flash of a smile, barely obscured by his elbow. 

“Sometimes I think maybe Dirk had the right idea,” says Dave, and Karkat feels like he’s been stabbed in the chest.

“Don’t fucking say that, Dave. No matter how I feel right now, I’m glad you’re alive and always will be.”

Dave actually laughs this time, but it’s full of bitterness. “Well, fuck. Might as well get that engraved on a plaque and post it above my mantle.”

“I’m serious Dave.” Karkat sighs deeply. “After everything, I still care about you. A lot. And I hate seeing you feel this way.” Karkat sinks back into the chair. “But I have a responsibility to a lot of people. They depend on me. And I can’t let you distract me from that, and I can’t let you work with us if you can’t pull yourself together.”

“So what the fuck should I do, Karkat?”

“You need help, Dave. Professional help.”

Dave is quiet for a moment. Then he looks Karkat in the eye. “You really think someone could help me?”

“Of course, Dave.”

Dave smiles. For the first time tonight it’s a real smile, not something he’s hiding behind. “I kind of think I’m just broken. I don’t know if anyone can fix me.”

“That’s not true, Dave. But I can’t be the one to do it, not right now. And you need to be the one to take the first step.”

Dave steps away from Karkat. “I’ve got a lot to think about, but hearing that helps. Thanks for not letting me do something stupid.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.” 

Dave leaves the cave and now Karkat is alone at his desk. He wants to stop thinking about this, so he turns his husktop back on and gets back to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Promise my other Davekat week posts will be more upbeat! And yes, the title of this is a reference to the lyrics to Mamma Mia by Abba.


End file.
